Spam and Eggs

  If I took advantage of all the Male Enhancement offers that clutter my Spam box, I’d soon look like a fireplug with fifty feet of hose. If I took advantage of a tiny fraction of the Cialis and Viagra offers, the hose would be pointing at the tenth floor like a howitzer. The avalanche… Read more »

Sprengue Fever

I’m gradually amassing a body of evidence that indicates rather strongly that—while my wife and I are best friends and much in love—we are of different species. E.g., on the first really warm, sunny spring day this year, my beloved and I were on the front porch reveling in the sight of songbirds cavorting in… Read more »

I Take Thee and These

What is it about an impending wedding that drives women insane? Okay, not all women, but enough of them to shame the gender. I thought I was aware of the most common aberrant pre-nup behaviors—starvation diets, lavish spending for an outfit she’ll wear once, hiring armed guards for ice sculptures—until I read an article about… Read more »

One-Man Avalanche

  Driving through the Smoky* Mountains recently, I was reminded of the time I kicked off our summer vacation by nearly killing my parents. Now part of family lore, the episode was a knee-buckling example of the adage that God watches over morons. (*Look it up. That’s how they spell it at the park) I grew… Read more »

The Father, Son, & Holy Smokes!

  By now everybody’s heard about the startling discovery of an ancient scrap of papyrus manuscript that contains a passage suggesting rather strongly that Jesus was a married man. I first got the news from a buddy of mine who survived two savage divorces that left him bloodied, destitute and a tad embittered. He forwarded… Read more »

Terrifying Lies, Vicious Greens

  Just because I don’t play golf doesn’t mean I think people who do are shallow or have misplaced priorities or waste half their lives in a vapid, worthless, meaningless activity. And if I did think that I certainly wouldn’t say it out loud or write it in a column, because there are lots of… Read more »